Times of Solitude

I'm starting to feel like a hermit - the temptation to go out on weekends is on an all time low, the urge to party/mingle seems pointless, the idea of 'dressing up' and attending dinner invitations seems like too much effort - I'm just not doing things an average twenty something yr old would do. I can actually feel myself getting more and more boring. I even soil plans I make for the weekend...*sigh* (its not laziness...its the mentality of 'nah, I dnt want to go' - what's that called?)

I'm thinking of getting another job (on top of the current one) just to force myself to GO OUT! and besides, some extra cash in the pockets would be great, I am a cheap uni student after-all.

My circle of young professional friends, some of whom I have hung with since the early years of high school, believe I have changed - since they're all vain individuals (marketing, modelling, photography, musicians, PR reps etc etc, we even have a 'professional' 'extra' on crew), they have only noticed the 'external' changes "You're not fly anymore man!"- yes, I use to be a Super Fly Brutha back in my time...my theme song was "I believe in miracles" - by Hot Chocolate.

They introduced me into a life of "Glitz and Glamour" - its their usual lifestyle, sharing is caring. I tagged along to some invites, and others I was sent by work to represent 'the suits'; It was hard not to bump into the 'crew' during those shin-digs anyway, (the glitz and glam circle is filled with the usual people - sorta like clubs..u see the same faces all the time). I saw what was the glories of the glamour, and the fakeness of the glitz. The people were young, rich and charismatic, some were even caring - in their fake way...At its glory, it was enjoyable (Import Car Modelling shenadigans, product launches, vodka tasting parties etc etc), at its worse....backstabbings, two faced people, under the table business deals and the like - Hollywood suddenly doesn't sound all that great does it. It was a learning experience, not exactly the best way to see the world at such a young age, plus it was a very tiring (and costly) way of education. But it was an active lifestyle, I could juggle it with Uni life and the other channels of life.

But, 2 Years on, I have turned into a secluded hermit, has my passion for the glitz and the glamour died out? The 'pimps and sluts' (a collective term for those young professionals) believe I have 'changed for the worse' - even I believe I have changed for the worse. I started to focus on a more slow, safe, and far less thrilling/attractive way of life - a world of uni, just a few hours of work, reading a good book, a drink or two with mates, staying single and carefree and also catching a movie with friends. It has been so carefree, maybe it has sucked the passion right out of me, destroyed what was once known as 'fun' (actually I've been frowning alot more than usual...signs of fustration?), it is eating away the youth and vigor of a twenty something year old man. It reminds me about the aftermath of marriage....haha commitment-phobe? (aren't we all). What is one to do?...how can I get the passion back?...*sigh*